Marvel Mondays #24: Men In Black 2 (2002)

Similar to Blade 2 last week, while I saw the original Men In Black, I missed its successor first time out. I think the reason is that it got quite negative reviews at the time plus the trailers didn't really whet my appetite for it for some reason (I think possibly the absence of Linda Fiorentino who was one of the better things about the first film and who they'd hinted at having a more prominent role in the event of a sequel might have coloured my view of it as well). However, given that five weeks on from us reviewing it, its predecessor is still sitting pretty at the top of our league table of Marvel films, could this be the film to topple it?

Five years on from the events of the first MIB film, Agent J is still on the beat in New York and becoming just as hard-bitten and world-weary as K was in the first film. He's gone through a succession of partners since K retired with L, his original replacement, having apparently decided to return to her old life at the city morgue.

We see J confronting a giant worm called Jeff on the subway with his current partner T who manages to provoke it into swallowing him. J manages to at least scare the worm back to its normal area of the subway before having a heart-to-heart with T and explaining to him gently that he doesn't think he's cut out for the job before neuralysing him. As a consequence, when he's despatched on his next mission he finds himself given a new parter in Frank the pug who's now upgraded from being an informant to a full-time member of the MIB without any explanation. Ooookay then...

J and Frank are packed off to investigate a pizzeria-owning alien called Ben who's been found sliced in half. It turns out two aliens, a two-headed goon called goon called Scrad (Jackass' Johnny Knoxville...blimey, there's a name from the past) and a model with vine-style limbs called Sarleena (Lara Flynn Boyle) came in looking for something called the Light of Zartha then promptly slew Ben when he wouldn't spill the beans. J finds himself chatting up Laura, the counter assistant who witnessed the crime (Rosario Dawson, nowadays best known to Marvel fans as Claire Temple in the various Hell's Kitchen series) and can't bring himself to neuralise her.

It turns out that Sarleena eventually came to earth looking for the Light of Zartha in 1978 when the leader of a peace-loving rival group of aliens called Lauranna came to earth and tried to entrust it to the MIB, then led by J's old running buddy K. K refused to take the Light but after Sarleena appeared and killed Lauranna, had a change of heart and has put it in safekeeping.

This of course leads J to try and track down K and talk him out of retirement - however, as he was neuralised in the first film, he doesn't remember anything of his past life and is now working in a post office in Massacheusetts with his wife having left him. After revealing that most of K's co-workers are in fact aliens, J convinces him to accompany him back to the MIB HQ.

However, before they can set about de-neuralising J, Sarleena and Scrad attack the HQ and manage to ensnare all of the people there in Sarleena's vines. J and K are forced to go on the run and end up seeking sanctuary at Jeebs' (the alien snitch with the head that grows back from the first film) hardware store where he has a DIY neuraliser in his basement. K recovers his memory just as Sarleena's goons attack led by Scrad and he and J quickly get rid of them.

The next bit is probably the best part of the film as J and K find themselves on a treasure hunt through New York picking up the clues that K left behind in 1978. En route they find a tribe of tiny aliens in a locker at Grand Central station who worship K as a god because he left them his watch and video store card behind (much funnier than it sounds I promise you) and finally get the decisive clue from a couple of nerds in a video rental store who have a Sci-Fi channel low-budget re-enactment of the whole incident on video. The Light, it turns out, is on Laura's bracelet - unfortunately upon returning to the worms' apartment where they left her (another group of characters returning from the first film), they find out that Laura has been kidnapped by Sarleena.

Tracing her back to the MIB HQ, J and K manage to fight off Sarleena and her guards and escape in the MIB car which this time turns into a fighter plane! Sarleena chases them through a tunnel but ends up being swallowed by Jeff the worm.

Arriving at a rooftop overlooking the river, it turns out that Laura is the daughter of Lauranna and needs to return to her home planet to ensure the Light is safe and doesn't wipe out Earth. While J is distracted by Sarleena turning up having merged with the body of Jeff, K ensures that she is safely sent on her way. Sarleena/Jeff tries to follow her but J and K blast it to smithereens with their lasers before activating a giant neuraliser in the Statue of Liberty's torch to make sure no-one in New York remembers seeing it. Back at the base, K attempts to cheer up a heartbroken J by moving the tiny aliens into one of the MIB lockers.

Hmmm...well, I have to say that although I've seen a lot worse in the last five months of doing this series, MIB2 is definitely way below its predecessor in terms of quality. While that film was smart, slick and zipped past satisfyingly, this one feels like the directors were playing it a bit too safe by generally going with what had worked in the first film but without as strong a storyline. Smith and Jones try their best with the material they're given but somehow this just feels a bit less special than the first Men In Black film did - it's as if they're doing the whole thing a bit too knowingly - "hey, the audience liked this last time why don't we just chuck that joke in again?". To be honest, if it hadn't been for the scene with the mini-aliens in the locker, this might well have ended up quite a bit further down the table than it has.

The MIB series would go on hiatus for a decade after this but Smith and Jones would return for a third instalment in 2012 which we'll probably cover some time in the autumn. As for this one...I've seen worse but it's not exactly what I'd call essential viewing.

FINAL SCORE: 👽👽👽👽👽👽(6/10)

CURRENT MARVEL FILM TABLE

1. Men In Black (1997) (8/10)
2. X-Men (2000) (8/10)
3. Blade 2 (2001) (7/10)
4. Blade (1998) (7/10)
5. The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988) (6/10)
6. Conan The Barbarian (1982) (6/10)
7. Conan The Destroyer (1984) (6/10)
8. The Trial Of The Incredible Hulk (1989) (6/10)
9. Men In Black 2 (2002) (6/10)
10. Doctor Mordrid (1992) (5/10)
11. The Punisher (1989) (5/10)
12. Doctor Strange (1978) (5/10)
13. Nick Fury: Agent Of SHIELD (1998) (4/10)
14. The Fantastic Four (1994) (4/10)
15. Red Sonja (1985) (4/10)
16. Captain America 2: Death Too Soon (1979) (4/10)
17. Spiderman (1977) (4/10)
18. The Death Of The Incredible Hulk (1990) (3/10)
19. Spiderman: The Dragon's Challenge (1979) (3/10)
20. Howard The Duck (1986) (2/10)
21. Captain America (1990) (2/10)
22. Captain America (1979) (2/10)
23. Generation X (1996) (2/10)
24. Spiderman Strikes Back (1978) (2/10)

NEXT WEEK: Spiderman returns to the big screen after a 23-year absence. Well, it can't be any worse than his '70s films...