Marvel Mondays #25: Spiderman (2002)

Yay, another film I actually watched first time out! Then again, I think most of us did - even to this day "Spiderman" is generally remembered as one of the diamonds of early noughties Marvel. They were hit and miss in this era let there be no doubt but much like "X-Men", the early noughties Spiderman films produced by Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi and starring Tobey Maguire as Spidey, Kirsten Dunst as MJ Watson and James Franco as Harry Osborn still have a tendency to get kids (or overgrown kids) of a certain age all misty-eyed and nostalgic.

However, lest we forget, it's now sixteen years since the first Spiderman film and the trepidation remains - has it aged well or not? Let's have a butchers, shall we?...

The film begins with Peter Parker as his school's resident eight stone weakling who's bullied by the jocks and generally lives a bit of a miserable life. He's had a crush on the girl who lives next door to him, Mary-Jane "MJ" Watson for years but has never had the guts to tell her. At school, the only kid who he's really friends with is Harry Osborn who's a similar outsider due to the fact that he started later at the school than the other kids after being expelled from boarding school. Harry's dad is Norman Osborn (Willem Dafoe), a genius scientist who runs his own company, Oscorp. Norman actually likes Peter and sees his potential as a bright scientist of the future.

We join Peter and Harry on a school trip to a scientific institute where it turns out that Harry has feelings for MJ as well. However, she's dating uber-jock Flash Thompson and is clearly slightly blind to our heroes' affection for her. Peter manages to persuade her to pose for a photo for the school magazine (which he's the official photographer for) but while he's doing so, a rogue radioactive spider (part of the lab's super spider breeding progamme) drops down from the ceiling and bites him.

Peter returns back to his house where he lives with his retired Uncle Ben and Aunt May feeling decidedly woozy and collapses on his bed. Upon waking he realises that he can see without his glasses and has suddenly developed a huge muscle mass that wasn't there before. At school, he realises that he can also shoot webs from his wrists which leads him to inadvertently provoke Flash Thompson by web-slinging a canteen tray into his head. Flash attempts to beat the living daylights out of Parker but isn't counting on the latter's new Spidey-skills which he uses to make short work of the school bully.

Meanwhile, we find out that Oscorp have been working on a new potion to give people superhuman strength but unfortunately their formulas haven't quite worked out properly with some test subjects being subject to mania and psychosis. At a meeting with the government, Norman finds out that another company has been piloting a similar formula and have moved ahead of them in the race to win the contract. Desperate, he and his chief scientist step up the research that night with Norman using the potion on himself. Unfortunately, it backfires badly and he springs out of the reactor and attacks the scientist, killing him. The next morning he wakes up with no recollection of the previous night's events...

High on the potential of his new abilities, Peter starts spending more of his time swinging across rooftops and practising firing webs than he does helping Ben and May around the house but when they try to confront him about it (including Ben's immortal line about great power bringing great responsibility), he blows them off.

Much to Peter's dismay, MJ is still dating Flash and when he sees her getting into a brand new car with him, he decides that the key to getting the girl is getting a car himself. The cheapest he can find in the used car adverts in the paper is $3000 which coincidentally is the amount a local wrestling company are paying new wrestlers.

Pete decides to give wrestling a go and makes up a new spider-based costume for himself under the masked pseudonym of the Human Spider. However, the ring announcer (none other than Bruce motherf**king Campbell!) can't be arsed with the words and shortens his name to Spiderman. He finds himself thrown in a cage match against the brutal Bonesaw McGraw (none other than the late great Macho Man Randy Savage!) and after taking a beating with a steel chair recovers to win the match with a monkey flip into the steel bars.

However, the promoter stiffs Peter out of his winnings and only pays him $100. Leaving the offices, he hears the promoter being robbed by a thief with a gun. Rather than stopping the guy, Peter simply lets him escape simply saying "Not my problem" (the same words the promoter used to him a few minutes previously). However, on leaving the venue, he finds that Uncle Ben (who'd come to pick him up) has been shot dead by a carjacker.

Changing back into his wrestling outfit, Peter gives chase and corners the killer in a warehouse where, after the guy tries to first stab him and then shoot him he realises it's the same guy he let go in the promoter's office earlier. Enraged, he throws the guy out of a window to his death before doing a runner as the cops arrive.

A few months later, Peter, MJ and Harry have all graduated. Harry is obviously working at Oscorp and Norman offers a job there to Peter as well but he declines and ends up signing on while fighting crime as Spiderman to honour Ben and doing the occasional bit of freelance photography for the Daily Bugle newspaper where he gets the gig after bringing some pictures of Spidey in to the editor J Jonah Jamieson. MJ meanwhile is struggling trying to make it as an actress and working in a diner during the day. She's also started going out with Harry which Peter only finds out when he runs into her on the street and talks to her.

Meanwhile, Norman's new alter ego the Green Goblin has sunk the rival company's bid for the government contract by invading their test on his hoverboard and bombing their HQ! When the other directors at Oscorp attempt a coup from within he ends up sabotaging their Union Day Parade and using his pumpkin bombs to turn them all into skeletons! When MJ is put in danger, Spidey swoops in to save her setting him on a collision course with Gobbo. How does it all play out? Ah, there's only so far I'll go with the spoilers with these things folks, if you've not seen this already then you're gonna have to track it down and watch it to find out...

There's a few movies down the years that deserve the phrase "game changer" when it comes to Marvel and this is definitely one of them. Quite simply, "Spiderman" has aged very well and is just as much fun to watch today as it was way back in 2002. With great performances from all involved, a script which treads the line between action, humour and genuinely touching expertly and a real epic feel about it, this has finally ended "Men In Black"'s seven week run at the top to become the new standard to measure all others by. There would be two more Spiderman films starring the Maguire/Dunst/Franco trio before the series was needlessly rebooted (but more of that angst when we come to it) but for now, I really can't recommend this film enough if you're unlucky not to have seen it yet. Definitely a comic book classic in every sense of the word.

FINAL RATING: 🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸 (9/10)

CURRENT MARVEL FILM TABLE

1. Spiderman (2002) (9/10)
2. Men In Black (1997) (8/10)
3. X-Men (2000) (8/10)
4. Blade 2 (7/10)
5. Blade (1998) (7/10)
6. The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988) (6/10)
7. Conan The Barbarian (1982) (6/10)
8. Conan The Destroyer (1984) (6/10)
9. The Trial Of The Incredible Hulk (1989) (6/10)
10. Men In Black 2 (6/10)
11. Doctor Mordrid (1992) (5/10)
12. The Punisher (1989) (5/10)
13. Doctor Strange (1978) (5/10)
14. Nick Fury: Agent Of SHIELD (1998) (4/10)
15. The Fantastic Four (1994) (4/10)
16. Red Sonja (1985) (4/10)
17. Captain America 2: Death Too Soon (1979) (4/10)
18. Spiderman (1977) (4/10)
19. The Death Of The Incredible Hulk (1990) (3/10)
20. Spiderman: The Dragon's Challenge (1979) (3/10)
21. Howard The Duck (1986) (2/10)
22. Captain America (1990) (2/10)
23. Captain America (1979) (2/10)
24. Generation X (1996) (2/10)
25. Spiderman Strikes Back (1978) (2/10)

NEXT WEEK: From the sublime to the atrocious as we revisit the 2002 version of Daredevil. Shudder...

DC Saturdays #4 - The New Wonder Woman (1975)

I suspect a few people out there are getting a sense of deja vu at this point. "Hang on - Wonder Woman? Wasn't that last week's DC Saturday". Well, yes it was but let me explain...

After the failure of the original Wonder Woman pilot starring Cathy Lee Crosby which we reviewed on this blog last week, DC went back to the drawing board and decided to reboot the proposed series from scratch, this time a lot more closely based on the comic book series. They managed to strike gold at the second attempt and this time the series was picked up as they'd hoped. Although Crosby was initially in talks to reprise her role, in the end she was replaced by Lynda Carter for the series. The pilot episode also got a limited cinematic release which makes it eligible for this 'ere blog. Let's do the time warp, shall we?...

The film is based in the Second World War and starts with two opposing fighter pilots, American Steve Trevor and some random German guy whose name we never find out, preparing for a battle in the Atlantic. The Germans, we discover, are planning on bombing a building near the naval dockyard in Manhattan where the Americans are working on new military technology which might enable them to win the war.

Trevor and his German counterpart duly cross paths and both planes end up being shot down. The pair find themselves parachuting downwards together and after a brief tussle, Steve is shot by the German who then manages to land in shark infested waters and is eaten. D'oh...

Steve lands on Paradise Island, an island inhabited by a race of Amazons. He is discovered by Diana, their princess, who takes him to the hospital there. Under orders from the Amazon queen, Trevor is blindfolded so he won't know where he is.

The queen orders that Trevor needs to be taken back to his own land and that one of the Amazons will be appointed his guard to ensure he returns safely. Diana asks to volunteer but the queen refuses as she's unwilling to let the heir to the island risk herself on a dangerous mission. Of course, this doesn't stop Diana entering the Olympics style athletics competition to get the job under a mask and she promptly wins with the queen reluctantly allowing her to leave and take on the job of Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman flies Steve back to the States in an invisible plane (!) (cue hilariously dated special effects) and leaves him at a hospital in New York where his department are delighted to find out that he's still alive. Well, apart from his secretary Marcia who's actually a Nazi double agent and calls for reinforcements to make sure that he's offed this time.

Having finished her mission, Diana sets off home but on the way she ends up foiling a bank robbery by deflecting the robbers' bullets with her bracelets and then throwing them on to a car. She's spotted by a talent agent, Ashley Norman, who offers to take her on as his protegee. Realising that she'll need money to stay and look after Steve until he's recovered, Diana agrees.

However, at the opening night of her run on Broadway, Marcia and her associate, an old lady, attempt to sabotage Diana's bullet-deflecting act by pulling a machine gun on her! Nevertheless, Diana still manages to deflect all of the bullets.

The next day, Diana takes her share of the earnings and, having now got enough to stay in New York for a month, agrees to part ways with Norman. However, he tries to stop her by pulling a gun on her which given that he's just been promoting her for her ability to deflect bullets must count as the most stupid villain move since that bloke in the '70s Captain America film who attempted to drive a neutron bomb to LA in a lorry. We find out after Diana beats Norman up and leaves that he's also a Nazi agent working in collusion with Marcia.

Diana goes undercover as a nurse at Steve's hospital but he gets word that there's been increased spy activity and that a Nazi bombing raid on the docks (by the original pilot's mate) is due. He promptly discharges himself but on the way to the airbase he's intercepted by a trio of Marcia's goons led by Norman who overpower and kidnap him. Back at Marcia's flat, they use a truth serum on him to make him divulge the code to his safe where the plans for the military planning HQ near the dockyards are kept.

Marcia goes to the building to steal the plans herself but is interrupted by Wonder Woman. The two engage in a lengthy fight (remember how cool the fight scenes in the recent WW film looked? Well this is pretty much the exact opposite of that) which ends with Wonder Woman tying Marcia to a chair with her golden lassoo of truth and forcing her to tell where Steve is being held. However, with the bombers due to carry out their raid at the same time as Marcia has instructed her goons to kill Steve, Diana needs to make a choice. Luckily for her, we find out that she also has the gift of impersonation and she calls Marcia's flat, using her voice, to tell the goons to delay shooting Steve until 2am.

This allows Diana to take off in her invisible plane again (cue more amusingly bad special FX - also, come to think of it, where has she been hiding the plane while she's been in New York? I mean, I admit I don't know the area very well but I'd imagine airfields aren't exactly plentiful around there) to intercept the Nazi pilot who ends up crashing his plane on to the submarine that was due to pick up Marcia and her minions.

Diana heads over to Marcia's flat and beats up her underlings (including Norman who must surely be getting sick of the sight of her by now!) and rescues Steve before leaving. The film finishes with Steve reporting in to work the next week to meet his new secretary, one Diana Prince. And thus the series beginneth...

Although it's still unquestionably a bit cheesy and naff, at least the second '70s Wonder Woman film is a big improvement on the first and it's easy to see why this series got picked up when the first one didn't. It feels like the writers actually stopped to think about the plot in this episode rather than just padding the thing out interminably and while the action sequences are laughably bad in places, at least unlike its predecessor it actually has action sequences. Given the time constraints, it's a decent enough slice of throwaway fun.

The Wonder Woman TV show would run until 1979, lasting three series. After series 1 saw Diana and Steve fighting the Nazis during World War 2, weirdly the second series saw the whole thing rebooted with Wonder Woman having returned to Paradise Island after the end of the conflict and subsequently coming back to the States in the '70s to team up with Steve's son as a crimefighting unit. There was a full feature length episode as part of the reboot but unlike this one it wasn't given a cinematic release. I might come back to it as a bonus some time in the future but for now, unfortunately this is the last we'll be seeing of Wonder Woman in these pages until the big budget relaunch a couple of years ago.

FINAL RATING: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (5/10)

CURRENT DC FILM TABLE

1. Batman (1966) (8/10)
2. The New Wonder Woman (1975) (5/10)
3. Superman and the Mole Men (1951) (5/10)
4. Wonder Woman (1974) (3/10)

NEXT WEEK: DC goes all big budget on us as Superman makes his return to the silver screen...

Marvel Mondays #24: Men In Black 2 (2002)

Similar to Blade 2 last week, while I saw the original Men In Black, I missed its successor first time out. I think the reason is that it got quite negative reviews at the time plus the trailers didn't really whet my appetite for it for some reason (I think possibly the absence of Linda Fiorentino who was one of the better things about the first film and who they'd hinted at having a more prominent role in the event of a sequel might have coloured my view of it as well). However, given that five weeks on from us reviewing it, its predecessor is still sitting pretty at the top of our league table of Marvel films, could this be the film to topple it?

Five years on from the events of the first MIB film, Agent J is still on the beat in New York and becoming just as hard-bitten and world-weary as K was in the first film. He's gone through a succession of partners since K retired with L, his original replacement, having apparently decided to return to her old life at the city morgue.

We see J confronting a giant worm called Jeff on the subway with his current partner T who manages to provoke it into swallowing him. J manages to at least scare the worm back to its normal area of the subway before having a heart-to-heart with T and explaining to him gently that he doesn't think he's cut out for the job before neuralysing him. As a consequence, when he's despatched on his next mission he finds himself given a new parter in Frank the pug who's now upgraded from being an informant to a full-time member of the MIB without any explanation. Ooookay then...

J and Frank are packed off to investigate a pizzeria-owning alien called Ben who's been found sliced in half. It turns out two aliens, a two-headed goon called goon called Scrad (Jackass' Johnny Knoxville...blimey, there's a name from the past) and a model with vine-style limbs called Sarleena (Lara Flynn Boyle) came in looking for something called the Light of Zartha then promptly slew Ben when he wouldn't spill the beans. J finds himself chatting up Laura, the counter assistant who witnessed the crime (Rosario Dawson, nowadays best known to Marvel fans as Claire Temple in the various Hell's Kitchen series) and can't bring himself to neuralise her.

It turns out that Sarleena eventually came to earth looking for the Light of Zartha in 1978 when the leader of a peace-loving rival group of aliens called Lauranna came to earth and tried to entrust it to the MIB, then led by J's old running buddy K. K refused to take the Light but after Sarleena appeared and killed Lauranna, had a change of heart and has put it in safekeeping.

This of course leads J to try and track down K and talk him out of retirement - however, as he was neuralised in the first film, he doesn't remember anything of his past life and is now working in a post office in Massacheusetts with his wife having left him. After revealing that most of K's co-workers are in fact aliens, J convinces him to accompany him back to the MIB HQ.

However, before they can set about de-neuralising J, Sarleena and Scrad attack the HQ and manage to ensnare all of the people there in Sarleena's vines. J and K are forced to go on the run and end up seeking sanctuary at Jeebs' (the alien snitch with the head that grows back from the first film) hardware store where he has a DIY neuraliser in his basement. K recovers his memory just as Sarleena's goons attack led by Scrad and he and J quickly get rid of them.

The next bit is probably the best part of the film as J and K find themselves on a treasure hunt through New York picking up the clues that K left behind in 1978. En route they find a tribe of tiny aliens in a locker at Grand Central station who worship K as a god because he left them his watch and video store card behind (much funnier than it sounds I promise you) and finally get the decisive clue from a couple of nerds in a video rental store who have a Sci-Fi channel low-budget re-enactment of the whole incident on video. The Light, it turns out, is on Laura's bracelet - unfortunately upon returning to the worms' apartment where they left her (another group of characters returning from the first film), they find out that Laura has been kidnapped by Sarleena.

Tracing her back to the MIB HQ, J and K manage to fight off Sarleena and her guards and escape in the MIB car which this time turns into a fighter plane! Sarleena chases them through a tunnel but ends up being swallowed by Jeff the worm.

Arriving at a rooftop overlooking the river, it turns out that Laura is the daughter of Lauranna and needs to return to her home planet to ensure the Light is safe and doesn't wipe out Earth. While J is distracted by Sarleena turning up having merged with the body of Jeff, K ensures that she is safely sent on her way. Sarleena/Jeff tries to follow her but J and K blast it to smithereens with their lasers before activating a giant neuraliser in the Statue of Liberty's torch to make sure no-one in New York remembers seeing it. Back at the base, K attempts to cheer up a heartbroken J by moving the tiny aliens into one of the MIB lockers.

Hmmm...well, I have to say that although I've seen a lot worse in the last five months of doing this series, MIB2 is definitely way below its predecessor in terms of quality. While that film was smart, slick and zipped past satisfyingly, this one feels like the directors were playing it a bit too safe by generally going with what had worked in the first film but without as strong a storyline. Smith and Jones try their best with the material they're given but somehow this just feels a bit less special than the first Men In Black film did - it's as if they're doing the whole thing a bit too knowingly - "hey, the audience liked this last time why don't we just chuck that joke in again?". To be honest, if it hadn't been for the scene with the mini-aliens in the locker, this might well have ended up quite a bit further down the table than it has.

The MIB series would go on hiatus for a decade after this but Smith and Jones would return for a third instalment in 2012 which we'll probably cover some time in the autumn. As for this one...I've seen worse but it's not exactly what I'd call essential viewing.

FINAL SCORE: 👽👽👽👽👽👽(6/10)

CURRENT MARVEL FILM TABLE

1. Men In Black (1997) (8/10)
2. X-Men (2000) (8/10)
3. Blade 2 (2001) (7/10)
4. Blade (1998) (7/10)
5. The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988) (6/10)
6. Conan The Barbarian (1982) (6/10)
7. Conan The Destroyer (1984) (6/10)
8. The Trial Of The Incredible Hulk (1989) (6/10)
9. Men In Black 2 (2002) (6/10)
10. Doctor Mordrid (1992) (5/10)
11. The Punisher (1989) (5/10)
12. Doctor Strange (1978) (5/10)
13. Nick Fury: Agent Of SHIELD (1998) (4/10)
14. The Fantastic Four (1994) (4/10)
15. Red Sonja (1985) (4/10)
16. Captain America 2: Death Too Soon (1979) (4/10)
17. Spiderman (1977) (4/10)
18. The Death Of The Incredible Hulk (1990) (3/10)
19. Spiderman: The Dragon's Challenge (1979) (3/10)
20. Howard The Duck (1986) (2/10)
21. Captain America (1990) (2/10)
22. Captain America (1979) (2/10)
23. Generation X (1996) (2/10)
24. Spiderman Strikes Back (1978) (2/10)

NEXT WEEK: Spiderman returns to the big screen after a 23-year absence. Well, it can't be any worse than his '70s films...