The Swamp Thing comics first appeared in the 1970s and quickly rose to being one of DC's most popular imprints of the time (although by the early '80s, their popularity was on the wane - it could be that DC thought a film might boost interest in the flagging series). The story here is reasonably true to the comic book so let's see how well it translated to the big screen...
The film begins with a scientist named Alice Cable (Adrienne Barbeau) being helicoptered in to a government research project in the Louisiana swamps based in an abandoned church (complete with flooded graveyard) where a group of soldiers led by British ex-pat Harry Ritter are guarding two scientists, brother and sister Alec and Linda Newton who are working on an experiment to fuse animal and plant cells to breed a new super-hardy species of plant. We see examples of their work as a patch of floorboard where some formula was split has actually generated branches and a group of orchids which Alec brings in quickly grow into a tree and fuse with the table he's placed them on!
However, that night the lab is raided by a group of mercenaries who were the same people responsible for offing the scientist who Alice had been sent in to replace. Their leader is the evil Frenchman Anton Arcane (who bears a creepy resemblance to Arsene Wenger in both look and voice) who it turns out has been posing as Ritter under a rubber mask for the previous few weeks! The guards are slaughtered and Linda is shot in the back when she attempts to stop Anton. Alec goes to try and save her but ends up dosed in his formula and turned into a human fireball. He ends up doing a runner into the swamp to try and put himself out but sinks without trace.
Alice, who'd been knocked out during the struggle, hides out in the ruins while Arcane's men clear out the place. She's also managed to escape with one of Alec's notebooks (Arcane's men having grabbed the others). By daybreak, Arcane's men have torched the site and dumped the bodies in the swamp. Thinking the coast is clear, Alice tries to escape but is promptly captured by Arcane's goons led by Ferret who attempt to drown her in the swamp. However, she's saved by the emergence from the waters of a giant scaly Bigfoot-like creature who kills all of the henchmen apart from Ferret and the giant Bruno who promptly scarper.
Heading back towards civilisation, Alice comes across a petrol station manned by local yokel Jude who lets her use his phone. However, her request to be put through to her superior leads the operator to put her through to Ritter's phone. Which, of course, is answered by Arcane who disguises his voice to make Alice think he's Ritter and get her location. Sure enough, Arcane's goons duly turn up and Alice has to go on the run again. Again, the Swamp Thing saves her by stopping the bad guys' jeep dead in its tracks allowing her to escape.
Alice and Jude return to the remains of the lab to retrieve Alec's notebook. While there, Alice sees the Swamp Thing in the lab retrieving Linda's locket (left there by Bruno as a memorial) and trying to mix up some potions unsuccessfully. She and Jude quickly flee but are surrounded by Arcane's followers in boats. Again though, the Swamp Thing shows up, sinks one boat and causes the other two to crash into each other with even grenades having little effect on it.
Alice and Jude make it back to shore with Alice entrusting the notebook with Jude to take back to civilisation. However, as she's setting off along the bank, Ferret ambushes Jude and kills him before capturing Alice. Jude is resurrected by the Swamp Thing who also has healing powers and he realises the creature is trying to protect, rather than attack, them.
Alice wakes up on Arcane's boat with Ferret but escapes by kicking him in the nuts and diving overboard. She reaches land and tries to outrun Ferret but he catches her. The Swamp Thing intervenes again leading Ferret to slice its arm off with his knife. This enrages the beast so much that it crushes Ferret's skull! Alice, understandably, faints.
Upon awakening, Alice finds herself alone with the Swamp Thing which she realises actually has intelligence and can communicate with her in broken English. However, upon talking to it, she realises that it's a mutated version of Alec. Alec also has his notebook which Jude has entrusted him with.
At this point, the film all goes a bit softcore as we see Alice bathing topless in the swamp - however, as soon as she's out and dressed, Arcane and his goons turn up and kidnap both Alice and the Swamp Thing by trapping them in a net with Bruno retrieving the notebook and passing it on to Arcane. We then cut to a party at Arcane's house complete with strippers and hookers - like I say, someone clearly thought we needed a softcore overload at this point...
It turns out that the party is to celebrate Arcane completing Alec's formula and he tests it out by spiking Bruno's drink with a dose. However, rather than turning Bruno into a giant Swamp Thing like brute, it turns him into some sort of goblin creature straight out of "Labyrinth" (all together now, "You remind me of the babe...")
Alice and the Bruno-goblin are both thrown in a cell under Arcane's mansion with the Swamp Thing and Arcane threatens to kill Alice unless Alec tells him the secret of the formula. It turns out that the formula works according to a person's main characteristic - as Bruno wasn't the brightest he's been transformed into a goblin whereas Alec, due to being intelligent, was transformed into a giant. Realising that this means he'll have to take the formula himself to have the desired effect, Arcane duly heads into the lab and downs a dose...
...which results in him turning into this. Don't laugh. Oh go on then, if you must...
With the sun streaming in through the window, Swamp Thing's body regains its strength including his arm growing back and he's able to break through his chains and free Alice and Bruno. The latter leads them down to the basement where there's a spring leading through an underwater tunnel into the swamp. The Arcanebeast/Wild Boar Man/Minotaur gives chase but gets tripped up by Bruno on the stairs. This has not all just got a bit silly. Honest.
This all sets the scene for the Swamp Thing/Minotaur confrontation in the swamp. Alice tries to intervene but gets stabbed through the heart by the Minotaur. Enraged, Swamp Thing clubs the Minotaur unconscious and resurrects her using its healing powers before finishing the Arcanebeast off by stabbing it through the heart with its own sword.
The Swamp Thing walks Alice back to the edge of the swamp. She offers to stay with him to help him continue his research but he declines, saying he'll be there to watch over her if ever she needs him. Alice meets Jude and walks back to the outside world with him while the Swamp Thing wanders off back into the swamp. And let the credits roll...
FINAL RATING: 👾👾👾👾👾 (5/10)
CURRENT DC FILM TABLE
1. Superman (1978) (8/10)
2. Superman 2 (1980) (8/10)
3. Batman (1966) (8/10)
4. Swamp Thing (1982) (5/10)
5. The New Wonder Woman (1975) (5/10)
6. Superman and the Mole Men (1951) (5/10)
7. Wonder Woman (1974) (3/10)
NEXT WEEK: Our first encounter with the dreaded "third film equals law of diminishing returns kicking in" rule as we look at Superman 3
No comments:
Post a Comment