"The Daily Mail". It's horrible, isn't it? Page after page of hateful diatribes against anyone who isn't a white male earning more than £50k a year, relentless scaremongering about stuff that probably will never affect you all written by the sort of people who appear to have all the morals of your average crocodile.
After the whole episode regarding its hatchet job on Ed Miliband's late father, the general response got me thinking. You see, I'm pretty damn sure that there are far more people out there in Britain who disagree with what the Mail says than agree with it, it's just that we don't have the literary version of a megaphone to blast out our message from the rooftops.
But it also got me thinking - really, what sort of person generally has this much anger and bitterness and spitefulness inside them? I mean, just reading someone like Richard Littlejohn's column (well, okay, one of them - any more makes a sane and right-thinking person want to claw their own eyes out just to make the torture stop) makes me think that this is not a happy man. Ditto Melanie Phillips and most of the other so-called "columnists" the paper employs. I mean, you don't come up with this sort of level of hatred and bigotry overnight. There is clearly something very wrong in these peoples' lives - maybe they have an unhappy home life, maybe they've befallen some great personal tragedy or injustice which has scarred them or maybe they're just not sleeping very well and are perpetually grumpy. Either way, the evidence is clear - these people need something to cheer them up and de-stress them. Badly.
I therefore propose the following - we get a deputation together, head over to the Mail's offices in Canary Wharf. With us, we bring tea, biscuits, cake and some kittens and puppies for the people who work there to cuddle. The writers there will have full access to this for the day and once they're suitably chilled out we can get them to work writing their columns. Then maybe they'll see that this isn't such a bad old world after all and that when it all comes down to it, we're all human beings and really it'd be a lot more productive if we all just learned to get on and be happy with what life's dealt us rather than just whinging about it all the time and putting the blame on the easiest scapegoat.
It can't fail I tell you. Now who's with me?
It's worth a try mate...
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