Marvel Mondays #14: Captain America (1990)

You may remember a couple of months back we took a look at the two 1979 Captain America films starring Reb Brown on this blog and weren't particularly kind about either. The first one was just dull with hardly any action sequences, some seriously wooden acting and the world's stupidest villain who thought that the best way to blow up LA was to drive there at 40mph with a neutron bomb in the back of a lorry while the second had Christopher Lee as the main villain and a couple of unintentionally funny fight scenes but that was literally it. Fast forward a decade or so and Marvel decided to give the whole thing another go, producing the film in house (a good 18 years before Iron Man officially launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe) and even bringing Stan Lee on board to help with the project to ensure that it stayed a bit more faithful to the comics than its predecessors did.

No way this could fail then you'd think? Sadly no. The film was a total bomb and was panned by critics (it still holds the lowest rating, 8%, of any Marvel film on the Rotten Tomatoes website) - if you want to know why it took Marvel 18 years to do an in-house film again then I suspect this may be a big part of the reason why. Hold your noses folks, we're going in...

The film starts in pre-World War II Italy where a group of Mussolini's soldiers kidnap a piano-playing child prodigy and murder his family so that they can use him as part of a project to create a new supersoldier. At the launch of the project, one of the scientists, Dr Maria Vasselli, panics when she sees what they're planning to do to the kid and does a runner, defecting to the west.

Seven years later, with the war in full swing, we find out that the Americans, aided by Vasselli, have now perfected their own version of the formula and are planning to use it to create a whole legion of super soldiers. The first volunteer is a young polio sufferer from California called Steve Rogers (played by Matt Salinger, the son of "Catcher In The Rye" author JD Salinger) and we see him saying goodbye to his family and girlfriend Bernice before setting off to become the government's guinea pig.

The experiment is a success but a spy infiltrates the lab where it's taking place and shoots Dr Vasselli, killing her. Rogers manages to take the agent out by throwing him into a bank of electrical equipment but is shot twice himself. However, with his supersoldier abilities, Rogers recovers within 24 hours and is ready for his first mission. Apparently a Nazi unit led by the Red Skull (the Italians' supersoldier from the start of the film, now played by Scott Paulin) are planning to fire a missile at the White House from Germany (hold on, a ballistic missile capable of travelling thousands of miles in 1943?! Didn't realise Red Skull had invented time travel as well!) and Cap is to be parachuted in to stop them.. It's also revealed that due to the fact that Vasselli didn't keep any notes on her experiments that Rogers is destined to be the only supersoldier from the experiment. Bugger.

Rogers manages to infiltrate the base and has a fight with the Red Skull but as ol' Skullman has been trained to be a lethal killing machine for the last seven years as opposed to the last few days, he ends up getting his arse handed to him and is tied to the missile as it prepares to launch. However, he grabs Red Skull's hand just as the button's about to be pushed leading to Skull having to chop off his own hand to get free from being fired up into the sky with him.

The missile is fired at Washington but Rogers manages to kick it a few times which somehow makes it change its course and miss the White House although the whole incident is witnessed by a youngster called Thomas Kimball who just happens to be wandering around outside the President's house at 4 in the morning and takes a photo of it. The missile ends up somehow firing itself all the way to Alaska (!) where it crashes into the snow without exploding leaving Rogers buried in the ice. Hey kids, if you love stupidly big plot holes this is clearly the movie for you...

Fifty years later in 1993, Rogers is discovered by an Arctic exploration team and returns to life. We discover in the meantime that Kimball has recently become the president of the United States (though he still dresses in that suit jacket and jeans combo normally beloved by fortysomething teachers trying to look "trendy") with his childhood friend Sam Kolawetz (played by Ned Beatty from "Deliverance") becoming chief investigative journalist a the New York Daily News. His first policy has been to implement a new ultra-green environment policy involving massively cutting back on fossil fuel and plastic production. This upsets his chief general who flies to Italy and meets with the Red Skull who, in the intervening years, has had plastic surgery to make him look semi-normal and become a captain of industry.

We also find out that Skull was behind the murders of JFK, Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King and also now had a daughter, Valentina, who is his chief assassin. However, he decides against murdering Kimball as he doesn't want to create another martyr for the liberal cause and decides instead to kidnap the president when he comes to Italy for an international conference and then brainwash him.

News of Rogers defrosting has reached both the president and Kolawetz and after a chat, the latter decides to drive north in an attempt to find him. However, Red Skull has also learnt of the news and sends Valentina to eliminate Cap before he can get back to America. By the time they find him, Rogers has walked across the border into Canada. Valentina and two of her assassins promptly show up to intercept him on dirt bikes - however, Cap manages to knock Red Skull Jr out with his shield just as Kolawetz handily pulls up to offer him a lift southwards.

However, Cap still thinks it's 1943 and his seeing that Kolawetz has a tape recorder made in Japan and a car made in Germany makes him think that he's been kidnapped by a spy who's trying to convince him that it's the 1990s. Rogers tricks Kolawetz into getting out of the car by saying that he's about to be car sick then nicks it and drives off south. We then get a montage of Cap first driving until his petrol runs out and then stowing away in the back of a truck to some godawful sub-Springsteen '80s power ballad.

Rogers eventually finds his way back to Redondo and Bernice's house but when he ends up meeting the 70-year-old version of his one-time girlfriend he realises that Kolawetz was indeed telling the truth. Bernice subsequently married and had a daughter Sharon (both played by the same actress) but never moved house because she always thought Steve would come back. Sharon takes Steve to her house to watch some history videos and bring him up to speed with everything that's happened in the world but while they're gone, Valentina and the Red Skull's thugs turn up and murder Bernice causing her husband Jack to have a heart attack. Kolawetz (having somehow found his way out of the Canadian mountains) turns up to warn them but only gets offed himself for his efforts.

While at the hospital with Jack, Rogers hears on the news that the President has been kidnapped while in Italy and puts two and two together to deduce that the same people who are after him were responsible. He and Bernice revisit the diner which was built above the original lab where Cap was given his superpowers. Said diner is now a retro-diner and Rogers breaks in to the long-deserted lab by breaking through a wall in the ladies' loo! They find Professor Vasselli's diary and plan to use it to find out more about the Red Skull but are interrupted by Valentina and her thugs. Cue a punch-up with the worst lighting effects ever which makes it nearly impossible to see what's going on.

Cap and Sharon trace Red Skull back to Italy and the town he was originally abducted from as a youngster. The next half hour or so sees them doing some recon there and getting into a few fights with the Skull's followers and can probably be safely skipped over as very little of interest happens. They finally trace Skull to a castle about 50 miles from the town and set off but after dropping Steve off outside, Sharon is kidnapped by Skull's henchmen and taken to his prison.

Cap finally suits up and heads into the prison to rescue Kimball and Sharon. The trio manage to fight off Red Skull's thugs with Cap and Sharon pursuing Skull and Valentina to the castle roof where it turns out he's built an atomic bomb in a grand piano which has the power to wipe out most of southern Europe (!). However, Steve plays him a recording of his kidnapping by the fascists (which they'd found at his old house earlier), and this provides enough of a distraction for Cap to knock Skull off the clifftop with his shield before he can detonate the device, take out Valentina on the rebound, inadvertently break the fourth wall (suffice to say he's no Ryan Reynolds in "Deadpool") and leave. We then find out that the environmental agreement was passed at the UN and everyone lived happily ever after.

There's really no nice way of putting this I'm afraid - this film is just absolute garbage. While it at least has a better attempt at a plot than the two 1970s Captain America films and stays truer to the original comics than they did, that's literally about the only thing it gets right. The script is rubbish, the acting is wooden beyond belief (Matt Salinger actually achieves the near-impossible by making Reb Brown look like a half-decent actor and Paulin's hammy over-acting isn't much better), the action scenes are poorly done and the whole thing just drags and drags and drags, especially the second half. It's really no wonder that the whole idea of a Captain America film was put back in the deep freeze for nearly two decades after this. Luckily the next time it was thawed out in 2008, the MCU project was well underway and Cap would turn out to be one of its surprise successes in terms of film quality. Unfortunately though, those films are still several months away from being covered in this blog but hey, it'll be worth it when we get there. Honest.

FINAL RATING: 🎯🎯 (2/10)

CURRENT MARVEL FILM TABLE

1. The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988) (6/10)
2. Conan The Barbarian (1982) (6/10)
3. Conan The Destroyer (1984) (6/10)
4. The Trial Of The Incredible Hulk (1989) (6/10)
5. The Punisher (1989) (5/10)
6. Doctor Strange (1978) (5/10)
7. Red Sonja (1985) (4/10)
8. Captain America 2: Death Too Soon (4/10) (1979)
9. Spiderman (1977) (4/10)
10. Spiderman: The Dragon's Challenge (3/10) (1979)
11. Howard The Duck (1986) (2/10)
12. Captain America (1990) (2/10)
13. Captain America (1979) (2/10)
14. Spiderman Strikes Back (1978) (2/10)

NEXT WEEK: The Hulk goes out with a whimper rather than a bang...

Marvel Mondays #13: The Trial Of The Incredible Hulk (1989)

Despite good reviews, the Incredible Hulk's 1988 comeback film "The Incredible Hulk Returns" failed to get the revival of the TV series that Bill "David Banner" Bixby was hoping for or to kick off his other project, a Thor TV series. A shame really - as you'll know if you read the review we did of it on here a couple of weeks back, it actually wasn't bad at all.

However, Bixby was persistent and managed to persuade NBC to let him do another Hulk TV film (which, like its predecessor, got a cinematic release abroad) in 1989, "The Trial Of The Incredible Hulk". Similar to its predecessor, as well as kickstarting a new Hulk TV series, this was also meant to kickstart a spin-off, a TV series based around the film's other star Daredevil (played by Rex Smith).

Daredevil has something of a checkered history when it comes to Marvel films and TV. If you're lucky, you know him from the excellent recent Marvel Netflix series, probably the strongest of the four Defenders shows. If you're unlucky you remember the film from about fifteen years ago - directed by Kevin Smith and starring Ben Affleck, it should have been good but it really really wasn't. One of these days, I'll have to review that abomination on this blog and let me tell you, I'm not looking forward to it.

Before that though, Marvel's first attempt to bring Daredevil to the big screen came back in 1989 so let's see how it all panned out. The film begins with David Banner (now using the nom de plume David Belson) working on a farm in the northern states. He gets into an argument with a big guy he's digging a ditch with who throws him in a stream but resists turning into the Hulk. Later that day, we see him leaving the farm, telling the lady who owns it that he's planning on going to the city to make a living there.

As Banner arrives in the city and checks in to some pay-by-the-week accommodation on the local skid row, we see Matt Murdock (aka Daredevil) heading to work. Unlike in the comics, other film and Netflix series where he's assisted by Foggy Nelson and Karen Page, in this version, Murdock's partner in the law firm is female (Christa Klein) and he has a male receptionist called Al who's a former soldier readjusting to life outside the army.

The trio have been trying to bring down the city's kingpin Wilson Fisk (played by John Rhys Davies aka Sallah from the Indiana Jones films and Gimli from Lord of the Rings) whose giant headquarters dominates the skyline but have been frustrated at every turn due to Fisk's control over the city.

We see Fisk's authority in action as he orchestrates a raid on a jewellers' shop, orchestrating things from his HQ with theatrical precision. It has to be said that John Rhys Davies is very good in the Kingpin role and his presence definitely gives this film a suitably menacing and threatening chief villain, something which as we've established in previous reviews on this blog is a bit of a rarity in old school Marvel films.

Two of Fisk's agents escape into the subway where they get on the same train as Banner and a young woman Ellie (short for Elektra, I wonder?) Mendes. When one of the goons tries to assault Mendes, Banner stops him and gets thrown across the carriage which causes him to Hulk out and beat the living daylights out of Fisk's henchmen.

The resulting ruckus attracts the attention of the police and Hulk flees down a tunnel where he turns back into Banner who's promptly arrested. Taken to the cells, he's introduced to Murdock who's down to serve as his lawyer. Murdock tells him that Ellie Mendes has woken up and pressed charges against Banner for attempted assault claiming that the other two men helped her to get rid of the Hulk. Murdock explains that he's just trying to get to the bottom of what happened by helping Banner but Banner is low and at the end of his rope (as the beard suggests) and tells him that he doesn't need his help.

Murdock goes to the hospital to interview Mendes and on his way in overhears her asking if "those men" are back again. However, when it turns out to be Murdock, she reiterates her story that it was Banner who assaulted her meaning Murdock leaves without getting any further answers. However, as he's waiting for the lift he hears the nurse looking after Mendes on the phone to Fisk who orders her to eliminate the patient. Sure enough, later that evening, psycho-nurse attempts to inject a fatal dose of air into Ellie's bloodstream only for Daredevil to show up and engage Fisk's agent in a battle. Evil nurse is dispatched after Daredevil trips her up with his nunchuks causing her to fall headfirst into the medical equipment. By the time the rest of the staff arrive to arrest her, Devil has made good his escape.

Next day, Murdock gets a call from Mendes who tells him that she's ready to talk and tell him what really happened but before he can get to the hospital, she's kidnapped by more of Fisk's goons. We also see Fisk sitting in his headquarters discussing strategy with his right hand man Edgar (sort of this version's answer to Wesley from the series but a much more sympathetic character who comes across as a nice guy who just happens to be reluctantly serving Fisk) who instructs him to bring in Mendes as bait to lure Daredevil in. He also gives instructions that Banner is to be eliminated as well as he was a witness to the incident on the subway.

Sure enough, we see a shiv being passed along the corridor which Banner's cellmate attempts to stab him with - however, he gets out of his bed just at the right time and is summoned to a meeting with one of the police chiefs Capotelli who asks him if he's connected to the Fisk empire. When Capotelli is satisfied that he isn't, he warns him to stay on his guard in case someone attempts to murder him in the prison.

Asleep that night, Banner has a nightmare about transforming into the Hulk while on the witness stand at his trial (if you look in the background, you might also notice Stan Lee as the jury foreman - his first cameo role in a Marvel film fact fans!) which causes him to wake up and actually transform into the Hulk before breaking out of the jail. By using a ruler as a sundial, Murdock gets a rough idea of where Banner is staying before beating the remaining information out of small time crim Turk (who clearly has just as little luck at staying out of trouble in the 1989 version of Daredevil as he does in the current one).

As Daredevil, Murdock tracks Banner down to his apartment and offers him sanctuary before revealing his true identity. He explains how he lost his sight in an accident with a truck carrying toxic waste where a barrel fell off and sprayed him as he was trying to push an old man out of its path and then lost his boxer father after he was murdered by Fisk's thugs. He also explains that Capotelli is his contact in the police force and that it was he, as one of the few honest officers in the city, who inspired Murdock to become Daredevil in the first place.

Capotelli calls Murdock and tells him that he believes Mendes is being held at the Web, a derelict recording studio formerly owned by a group called the Giant Spiders From Mars (nice tip of the hat to Bowie there). Murdock goes while Banner recovers but the tip turns out to be a trap planted by Fisk who has three of his goons attack Murdock while playing disorientating noise over the speakers to ensure that Daredevil can't fight back.

Banner receives the follow-up call from Capotelli (who'd run into Turk up to no good in a bar and beat the information out of him) about the trap and goes along to the studio only to find the door locked. Enraged, he turns into the Hulk and smashes his way through it, beating off Fisk's goons and rescuing Matt (though Fisk still escapes with Mendes). Murdock traces the Hulk's face as he transforms back into Banner and realises that they are one and the same.

Back at Murdock's house, while Banner has got his self-confidence back (and shaved his beard off), Murdock has taken a battering both physically and mentally from the punch-up and is doubting his ability. However, repaying the faith Murdock showed in him earlier, Banner gives Daredevil a pep talk and gets him back in the gym and training. Meanwhile, Mendes has found an unlikely friend in Edgar who admits that he's attracted to her and will try and make sure that nothing happens to her while she's in their captivity.

Deducing that Mendes is being held in Fisk's tower, Murdock and Banner plot a rescue operation. Arriving at the scene, they realise that the Kingpin is due to hold a meeting with several other crime lords to announce a new multi-million dollar partnership and obviously this is gonna need to be put a stop to as well. While Banner sneaks in through the ground floor entrance (with the security guards simply waving him through - obviously Fisk isn't very good at carrying out competence checks on his employees!), Daredevil abseils down on to the roof. The pair meet midway up the building with Banner going to find Mendes and Daredevil going after Fisk.

While Daredevil sees off Fisk's thugs, Edgar decides to try and help Mendes to escape but they're interrupted by the same goon that tried to assault her on the train who tries to get Edgar to kill her upon Fisk's instructions. However. he's interrupted by Banner who dispatches him with some help from Edgar and helps Mendes to escape. Banner asks Edgar if he wants to come with them but he offers to stay behind as Fisk always forgives him apparently.

Fisk is giving a presentation and showing footage of the fight at the music studios which appears to show his men killing Daredevil (they cut it off just before Hulk enters) only for Daredevil to burst through the screen just as he's making his big speech. He beats up the crime lords and leaves them for the police to capture but Fisk and Edgar escape in what appears to be a flying catamaran just as Daredevil runs out on to the roof of Fisk Towers.

A bit of a disappointing climax to the film really as it had been building up nicely until then but kind of feels like it was left hanging by not having a big confrontation between Daredevil and Kingpin. I guess this is because they were hoping that this would set up the proposed Daredevil TV series with the Kingpin as a recurring nemesis but it still doesn't quite feel right - even if there'd just been a brief fight between Murdock and Fisk before Fisk escaped it would've at least felt like the film had been building to something worth the pay-off. The final scene sees Banner and Murdock parting ways as friends with Murdock going back to his law firm feeling a bit better about having made a dent in Fisk's empire and Banner hitch-hiking on to new adventures.

If it hadn't been for the anticlimactic ending then this would have stood a very good chance of going top of the table but unfortunately the fact that a lot is left unresolved at the end of this film kind of takes the shine off it a bit. I realise that's not entirely the film-makers' fault as stated earlier but even so... Still, this is definitely worth a watch - it's a very different beast from the lighthearted previous Hulk/Thor film in that it's easily the most complex and dark of the Marvel films we've reviewed so far but the change of pace and scenery means it feels like it's striking out into new ground and is all the better for it. Bixby is again decent as Banner while Smith and Davies both suit the Daredevil and Kingpin roles well and the rest of the cast all put in solid performances. Cut from the same cloth as the excellent Daredevil TV series (although obviously it's constrained by its timeframe), it's an enjoyable curio which is worth a watch.

Bixby and Ferrigno would complete their trilogy of Hulk films the following year with "The Death of the Incredible Hulk" which we'll review on here in a couple of weeks. Daredevil meanwhile would return to the big screen about 15 years hence under the guidance of Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck and....uurrrrggghh, let's just try not to think about that film until we absolutely have to...

FINAL RATING: 👊👊👊👊👊👊 (6/10)

CURRENT MARVEL FILM TABLE

1. The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988) (6/10)
2. Conan The Barbarian (1982) (6/10)
3. Conan The Destroyer (1984) (6/10)
4. The Trial Of The Incredible Hulk (1989) (6/10)
5. The Punisher (1989) (5/10)
6. Doctor Strange (1978) (5/10)
7. Red Sonja (1985) (4/10)
8. Captain America 2: Death Too Soon (4/10) (1979)
9. Spiderman (1977) (4/10)
10. Spiderman: The Dragon's Challenge (3/10) (1979)
11. Howard The Duck (1986) (2/10)
12. Captain America (1979) (2/10)
13. Spiderman Strikes Back (1978) (2/10)

NEXT WEEK: Captain America gets another reboot. And it still doesn't work.